“I'm in a hurry to get things done. Oh, I rush and rush until life's no fun. All I really gotta do is live and die. But I'm in a hurry and don't know why.” ~Alabama, I’m in a Hurry
This piece of the song from Alabama pretty much sums this post. All we gotta do is live and die. The problem lies when we see our existence as a means to an end and everything we do has a purpose and a “need to” or “should do”. Louise Hay, a well-known author of self-help books and motivational speaker, talked about this notion in her writing. The language we use with ourselves and others is so important, it truly builds the garden that is our minds. The language we use can allow our mind to grow weeds and not allow for what we want to see grow, grow.
I used to use “should, need, have to” a lot and this drove me to burn out and to feel my life wasn't my doing. This language contributed to a mental health diagnosis, physical symptoms, to getting on medication, and ultimately, contributed to the dissatisfaction with life I had despite having all the accolades, support, and blessings I had. Understanding the difference between force and desire was a big game changer for me. I used to create so much internal pressure for myself that it took away the satisfaction I had in doing such things.
I recommend thinking about this and noticing whether you use shoulds, needs, have to, or any language that resonates with control, force, and/or guilt that prompts you to take action. Take a moment to write down what you notice or just begin to catch yourself. This process will be slow, very slow. Changing our internal dialogue is a life’s journey. When beginning the journey of changing our language, it’s important to notice when you are judging yourself for “not doing this right”. Again, this is a slow process. It is not meant to add another “to do” to your list. It’s meant to create awareness.
Now, you may notice some things that you feel you “need” to do in your life like raising a child, going to work, paying bills, etc. You may wonder how changing your language can help when these roles are an “obligation”. When we change our language, we acknowledge our roles, we slowly begin to accept them more fully, and we create a mindful space for them rather than experiencing a mental war whenever you “need” to do something. When you replace “need” with “I want, I desire, I intend, I would love to, I will give it my best”, this language helps you feel empowered versus disempowered. It allows you to see that you are taking steps because they are your doing, your choice, YOUR LIFE which ultimately, it is. You realize that the more you practice this change in language, the more you will see what you truly want and don't want. This war with needs will become clearer and you will begin to accept what brings joy and what doesn't. It will resonate as truth for you and how you FEEL will confirm that.
Quick Tip: I know a lot of use lists to keep us organized, when you write your “to-do” lists, write “to-want”. You can also use “to willingly accomplish”, “to fruitfully work on”, you can totally get creative with this and have fun with it!